Never lost, always found.
10:21 pm on this fine Monday evening, and I felt inspired to write a little somethin’ somethin’. While the world spins away and I find myself passing through yet another day, I felt compelled to put some words on paper - or type some digital letters on this screen, as it were.
After taking a much needed break from social media posting, and focusing my attention on other endeavours that require my physical presence, I realize that every thing that has happened in the past few months all line up now; it all makes sense. 2 months and 1 day ago, I had a massive bike crash during a race in Cologne, Germany. I won’t post videos on here but if you feel inclined to have a laugh at what stupidity looks like, you can click here: BIKE CRASH. Without getting too much into it, I can honestly say that this has been somewhat a tiny blessing in disguise.
A lot of people have been telling me I needed to slow down, but let’s be real - my current state of living, and choice of lifestyle does not, and will not ever align with the normal human standard of operating. I lived a life of routine for 18+ years as a professional speed skater, living my ultimate dream and achieving the top of all athletic adventures. I know what it takes, I know what I need to do, I know what I need to eat, I know when I need to go to sleep, and most importantly I know that it is something that really required and would currently require a specific type of commitment. I don’t like using the word “ sacrifice” because it’s directly associated with a negative aspect of whatever it may be you’re relating it to. No, I did not make sacrifices to achieve my goals; I simply made choices every day, that led to me succeeding on that path I set out on when I was 10 years old and wanted to go to the Olympics. I chose early bed times, I did not sacrifice friendships. I chose eating healthy, I did not sacrifice going out. I had my fun, in moderation and I truly enjoyed that lifestyle. Cycling is the same, but I am now enjoying this road (no pun intended) with a different perspective; I am confident and know I can achieve whatever I set my mind to, or on. I’ve done it before in a different world and my only challenge is to work up to a level of training where I can compete on a regular basis with these girls that are 19 or 20.
I was doing quite alright until the crash. Don’t know what pissed me off more; the fact that an unexperienced rider took me out or that I was finally going to actually get close to finishing in the top group for the first time in 2 years. It doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, it was a blessing in disguise as mentioned earlier. Have to keep this PG rated so I won’t express how I truly think of criterium racing in Germany so I will move on. After not being able to walk, sit, sleep, or do anything for at least 4 weeks, I am not slowly getting back into shape by slowly finding activities that I can do to stay fit I can finally sleep yet not on my back. I still can’t sit and drive with a funny looking ass pillow - all in all, I have had time to think, process and re-evaluate what I want to do, where I want to do it and with whom I want to do it.
It’s funny looking at It from a different angle, and seeing that there is so much more to do in life but we really are privileged to choose the athlete life. Nothing or no one will ever Fcuk you as hard as a proper training year will. I mean speed skating training is the hardest thing in the world; anyone can ride a bike. I find myself reverting to old skate training programs now as I am capable of doing certain leg exercises, and I only now realize how hard this sport is. It’s the little details in programs that really make you fitter than any other sport can. I tried something that used to be a part of my warm up, and I couldn’t walk for two days due to soreness. Bizarre.
While I will continue to reevaluate what, where, how and with whom I want to continue this journey, there is definitely one thing I know for sure - I will be back racing my bike in the new season when I am ready. Until then I will enjoy a winter of speed skating, helping my best friend achieve her olympic dreams. I will enjoy living in Europe tackling new business ideas and launching some pretty cool projects that I can not talk about yet.
There will be more travel again, but until then I will sweat my way through runs in the forest while I stop to smell the flowers. Was never lost; think I have just been found.
Stay tuned for more.
A.